I spent the first 37 years of my life trying to be perfect and failing miserably. I’ve come to realize in the last few years, that the pursuit of perfection is an exercise in futility. However, that doesn’t make abandoning the pursuit any easier. I desperately longed for people to like and approve of me. I felt that I had to hustle and constantly prove my worthiness in order to earn that love and approval. I kept a certain distance from people, even my family, because I was sure that if I let them get too close, they would see how horribly inadequate I was as a person, friend, student, daughter, etc. I felt that once they saw the real me, I would be disregarded.
My goal over the last year has been to learn to accept myself, as I am right now but it is a constant struggle. Even starting this blog has been a long process. I’ve been waiting for that perfect first post. This post may not be perfect but it will be the first of hopefully many more.